There is a lot of talk online about “taking back your power”. But what in the heck does that even mean? Your power comes from your ability to make your own choices, and set limits and boundaries with others…and with yourself. It’s about living life on your terms. But it can be easy to give away your power, and often you don’t even know you’ve done it.
Here are 10 signs you are giving away your power:
1. You say “yes” when you really mean “no.”
Are you a people-pleaser? If so, you probably find yourself agreeing to things just to avoid upsetting someone. It doesn’t matter that you don’t want to or don’t have time. You say yes, even if it’s an inconvenience for you. But this can create resentment and leave you feeling drained. Your time and energy matter just as much as anyone else’s!
Try this: Instead of automatically saying yes, one thing I do is to say that I need to check my schedule. I will get back with them and let them know at a later time. That helps me to not feel pressured to say yes. And it gives me the time I need to figure out if I want to do it or even have the time. That has worked very well for me and takes off a lot of pressure, too!
2. You always need approval from others
If you feel anxious about making even a small decision without checking with someone first, you may be giving your power away. Needing that external validation to feel okay about yourself and your decisions takes away your personal authority. If their approval disappears, your confidence fades; that is a big clue that you have given your power to others.
Try this: Make one small decision today without someone else what they thing or what they would do. See how it feels. Practicing can help you to feel more comfortable making decisions that are right for you.
3. You apologize for things that aren’t your fault
Ladies, can we talk about how often we do this and don’t realize it? And we need to stop! Too often, we say “sorry”…for taking up space, for having needs, or for using our voice and speaking up. Doing this all the time sends a message to yourself and others that you are a “problem”. You are NOT!
Try this instead: Replace “sorry” with something better. Instead of “Sorry to bother you,” try “Do you have a minute?” or “I’m sorry for taking up your time,” try “Thank you for giving me your time. I appreciate it.”
4. You let other people’s moods control how you feel
You become hypervigilant about the moods of others. If you are around someone and they are in a bad mood, your whole day falls apart. You walk on eggshells around certain people. And you adapt your behavior around how they’re feeling. You take personal responsibility for their problems and their emotions when they have nothing to do with you.
Try this instead: Give yourself a gentle reminder that their mood is about them, not you. Allow them to be responsible for their own moods and problems.
5. You stay quiet to keep the peace
You feel the pull to speak out about something, but you stay silent because you don’t want to cause conflict. You stuff down your thoughts and feelings to make everyone else comfortable. The problem is that the more you stay silent, the more frustrated you will get. And the situation will stay the same.
Try this: Start small. Share one honest thought in a low-stakes conversation this week.
6. You blame others for things that are happening in your life
Things go wrong in life for all of us. But when things go wrong in your life, it’s always someone else’s fault. You’re quick to blame your boss, your family, and even your circumstances. While outside factors are real and definitely play a part in the things that happen in your life, staying in blame mode means you’re not looking at what you can actually change. And that can keep you stuck.
Ask yourself this: “What is one thing I can do differently here?”
7. You can’t handle criticism without falling apart
If someone gives you some negative feedback, you absolutely spiral and fall apart. You may shut down completely or spend hours ruminating about the feedback and feeling like you are a horrible person. When your self-worth depends on being seen as perfect, any criticism can feel like an attack on who you are as a person.
Try this: Try to separate feedback about your work from feedback about your worth. They’re definitely not the same thing.
8. You always put everyone else’s needs before your own
Taking care of others is a great quality. But if you always focus on that and you don’t take care of yourself, that’s not kindness…it’s self-abandonment. This definitely happens a lot with women. If you always put yourself last, you’re teaching yourself that you don’t matter as much as everyone else does, and that’s not okay!
Try this: Schedule one thing this week that’s just for you. Let go of any guilt…it’s not allowed!
9. You make decisions out of fear
You want to make a change in your life. Maybe it’s getting a new job, having a hard conversation with someone, or giving yourself a fresh start. But no matter what good intentions you have, fear keeps you frozen and prevents you from making the changes you want. You stick with the things that are uncomfortable because the unknown is scarier. When fear is driving your life, your dreams end up in the back seat.
Ask yourself: “What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?”
10. You don’t trust yourself
If you lack confidence and second-guess every decision, you are giving your power away. When you change your mind based on what others think, you give your power away. You’ve spent so long looking outside yourself for answers that you’ve lost touch with your own inner voice. But that inner guidance is still there…and it knows more than you think.
Try this: Start a journal. Write down what you actually think and feel, without editing it for anyone else.
Giving away your power usually doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a slow habit built from wanting to be liked, wanting to avoid conflict, or just not believing you matter enough. But recognizing the signs is the first step to changing them.
Most of these signs are also very common in neurodivergent people. If you are neurodivergent and resonate with a few of these signs, it may be showing you that you are still masking.
Here’s the good news: you don’t have to overhaul your whole life overnight. Pick one sign from this list that you resonated with. Start with that. Making small changes is how you start to take your power back…for good.
