Have you ever looked around at the dishes piling up, the laundry still sitting in the dryer, or the unfinished projects that once sparked your excitement and thought, “Why can’t I just get it together? What is wrong with me?” You’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not lazy. What you’re experiencing could be something known as executive dysfunction.
What is executive dysfunction?
Executive dysfunction is a term used to describe difficulties with the brain’s self-management system. Specifically, the parts responsible for planning, organizing, starting, and completing tasks. It’s not about willpower or motivation; it’s about how your brain processes and prioritizes information.
People with ADHD, autism, depression, anxiety, and other neurodivergent conditions often experience executive dysfunction. It can make even simple tasks, like doing the dishes or replying to a text, feel like climbing a mountain.
The hidden struggles behind “simple” tasks
When you have executive dysfunction, tasks that seem easy to others require multiple steps, and your brain struggles to organize. You might know exactly what you need to do, but your brain can’t quite move you into action. You might start something and then get stuck halfway. Or you might bounce between tasks, never quite finishing any of them.
This isn’t a character flaw. It’s how your brain is wired. And constantly being told you’re “lazy,” “unmotivated,” or “procrastinating” can lead to shame that only makes things worse. I can’t tell you how often I beat myself up because I was struggling to do basic things. Now I know better, but I still have moments when shame rears its ugly head!
Why shame makes it harder
Shame feeds the cycle of executive dysfunction. When you feel bad about not doing something, your brain associates the task with failure and dread. That makes it even harder to start next time. What you need isn’t more discipline, it’s understanding and compassion.
Breaking the cycle starts when you realize: this isn’t about laziness. Your brain just needs different tools.
My experience with executive dysfunction
It’s important to me to write about this because executive dysfunction can be debilitating. And I am speaking from experience.
I’ve always been someone who does far more work than necessary. I go “above and beyond” regularly. But once I hit perimenopause, that “get up and go” got up and went! Some of the people in my life were accusing me of being lazy. But I didn’t know that hormonal changes had made my executive function much worse. Before, I might have had a day or two when I struggled with motivation and couldn’t get things done. Suddenly, I was struggling to do anything pretty much all the time! It was terrifying and made me feel so much shame.
It got so bad that I was struggling to work. The world shutting down due to COVID and losing a really great job in the midst of this didn’t help. I struggled to search for a new job. I struggled to shower or do basic things. I ultimately ended up losing my house. If it hadn’t been for the kindness of friends, I would’ve been living on the street.
Executive function can be debilitating…and it’s not your fault!
I had never heard of executive dysfunction until January of 2025. In learning more about my own neurodivergence and understanding that I wasn’t lazy, but that my brain wasn’t able to organize and process things the way I wanted, I was able to let go of the shame.
Executive function can be incredibly debilitating. I lost my house, not because I was lazy or procrastinating…but because I didn’t have the understanding or the proper tools to function.
I see others struggling the way I did, and I just have to say….IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Please read that again…and again! You are NOT lazy, and you are certainly NOT doing this on purpose.
The good news is that there are things you can do to support your brain that will help to minimize executive dysfunction and allow you to get out of bed, or off the couch, and do things that have been a struggle.
How to support your brain
Here are a few strategies that can help when executive dysfunction shows up:
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Break tasks into smaller steps. Instead of “clean the kitchen,” try “wash dishes,” then “wipe counters.” Celebrate each small win.
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Use external supports. Timers, reminders, and visual checklists can help keep you on track.
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Pair tasks with something enjoyable. Music, podcasts, or a favorite drink can make mundane chores feel less daunting.
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Reduce the friction. If something feels impossible, ask: What’s the smallest version of this I can do right now? Maybe it’s just starting the washing machine, or even just opening the washer door.
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Be gentle with yourself. Rest is not a reward. You deserve compassion, even when you’re not “productive.”
You Deserve Kindness, Not Criticism
Executive dysfunction isn’t about being lazy. It’s about living with a brain that processes motivation, focus, and energy differently. You are doing your best with the tools you have.
The next time your brain refuses to cooperate, try replacing “I’m so lazy” with “My brain is struggling to organize right now.” That simple shift can change everything.
You don’t need to “fix” yourself. You just need to work with your brain, not against it. And that starts with compassion.
