If you’re AuDHD, stimming is a part of life. It’s not just a “quirk”, it’s a natural, neurologically-driven way your brain tries to regulate itself, process sensory input, and cope with overwhelm. Stimming is normal, healthy, and necessary.
But here’s the thing we don’t always talk about: sometimes our stims drift into territory that hurts us instead of helping. And because so many of us spent decades masking, we often don’t even realize we’re stimming, let alone that our stims have turned into coping strategies that wear us down.
Midlife is the perfect time to pause, notice, and gently redirect ourselves toward stims that truly support our wellbeing.
Let’s talk about what unhealthy stimming looks like, how to recognize it early, and what healthier alternatives you can start weaving into your life.
What is “unhealthy” stimming?
Unhealthy stimming isn’t about judgment; it’s about impact.
A stim becomes unhealthy when it:
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harms your body
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leaves you feeling worse afterward
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becomes compulsive in a way that interferes with daily life
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disconnects you from your needs instead of supporting them
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replaces rest, nourishment, or emotional regulation
Many AuDHD adults, especially late-diagnosed women, gravitate toward unconscious self-soothing behaviors because we were never taught safer outlets. Think of unhealthy stims as coping strategies that work in the moment, but take a toll over time.
Common unhealthy stims in AuDHD adults
You may recognize yourself in some of these. (It’s okay, I promise you’re not alone.)
Overeating or “food stimming”
Using food for sensory regulation…texture, crunch, sweetness, chewing, especially during stress, boredom, or emotional overload.
Drinking alcohol
Using alcohol to “turn the noise down,” manage social overwhelm, or ease transitions.
Compulsive shopping or scrolling
The dopamine hit becomes the stim. It’s soothing…until the crash afterward or the bills that come later.
Skin picking or hair pulling
Repetitive behaviors that become painful, damaging, or hard to stop.
Nail biting, jaw clenching, or grinding teeth
Stress-driven stims that cause physical discomfort or long-term tension.
Isolating socially
Withdrawing as a way to regulate, but losing connection and support in the process. None of these makes you “bad.” They simply signal that your nervous system is begging for different tools.
How to recognize when a stim has become unhealthy
Here are the biggest signs to watch for:
You feel shame afterward
Healthy stims relieve stress. Unhealthy ones often leave guilt, embarrassment, or frustration in their wake.
You use it to numb or escape
If the purpose of the stim is not to feel, versus to self-regulate, it may be harming more than helping.
It creates health or financial consequences
Such as pain, binge cycles, exhaustion, overspending, or disrupted sleep.
You can’t seem to stop, even when you want to
If it feels compulsive or automatic, it’s a sign you need more supportive regulation tools.
It replaces actual needs
Eating instead of resting. Drinking instead of decompressing. Scrolling instead of reconnecting to your body. These are a few examples of a stim replacing your actual need. Unhealthy stims usually show up when your nervous system is overwhelmed, understimulated, or unsupported.
The magic of “replacing” instead of “stopping”
As AuDHD adults, we don’t do well with deprivation. Telling ourselves to stop stimming backfires. The key is transitioning from harmful stims to supportive ones.
Instead of removing a stim, swap it with something that offers:
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sensory comfort
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emotional grounding
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dopamine
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or a feeling of safety
This is where healthier stimming comes in.
Healthier stims you can add to your life
Here are AuDHD-friendly options that feel good, soothe the nervous system, and don’t leave you drained.
1. Sensory stims
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fidget rings or spinner jewelry
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textured fabrics
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stress balls
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putty or kinetic sand
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silky blankets or heated throws
Helps with: anxiety, sensory overload, boredom, grounding.
2. Movement-based stims
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rocking in a rocking chair
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swaying with music
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walking in circles
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gentle stretching
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bouncing on a yoga ball
Helps with: agitation, hyperactivity, emotional overwhelm.
3. Oral stims (that aren’t food-based)
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chewing gum
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flavored toothpicks
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reusable straws
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herbal teas with strong flavors
Helps with: cravings, sensory seeking, comfort.
4. Dopamine-friendly stims
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crafting or hobbies
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quick puzzle games
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switching between two light tasks
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upbeat music
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dancing
Helps with: low motivation, executive function struggles, boredom.
5. Emotional regulation stims
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weighted blankets
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breathwork (short patterns work best for AuDHD brains)
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journaling in 1–2 sentence bursts
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guided sensory grounding (5-4-3-2-1 method)
Helps with: panic, shutdowns, emotional overflow.
6. Safe “deep pressure” stims
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body socks
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tight hugs from trusted people
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compression clothing
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weighted shoulder wraps
Helps with: tension, meltdowns, sensory overload, dissociation.
How to gently transition toward healthier stims
You don’t have to overhaul everything. Start with tiny shifts.
Identify the function of the unhealthy stim
Ask: What am I getting from this? Comfort? Escape? Texture? Dopamine?
Pair a healthy stim with the unhealthy one
Chew gum while cooking instead of snacking.
Use a fidget while watching TV instead of picking.
Make healthy stims visible and easy to grab
If a stim is out of sight, it might as well not exist.
Celebrate the shifts, not perfection
Even choosing a healthier stim once a day is progress.
Build a “stim menu” for hard days
List 5–10 things that regulate you. Keep it on your fridge or phone.
You deserve stims that love you back
Stimming is a part of who you are, and it’s beautiful. It’s your nervous system’s language, its way of saying, “Here’s what I need to feel safe.”
Unhealthy stims aren’t personal failures. They’re simply signs that you’ve been coping without support for far too long.
Midlife gives us a chance to rewrite the script. To nourish our brains with the compassion we were never given growing up. To choose stims that soothe without harming. And to finally honor our needs instead of masking them.
You’re not broken. Your brain is speaking. And now, you’re learning to listen.
