If you live with AuDHD, you’ve probably spent most of your life hearing some version of “you just need to relax.” As if your nervous system is a dimmer switch and you can simply turn it down at will. Meanwhile, your brain is over here, powered by caffeine, intrusive thoughts, and 42 browser tabs, all open at once.

I recently wrote a blog post about the 11 signs you don’t know how to relax. And I realized that far too many people with AuDHD may not even know HOW to relax, because it looks different than what we are told we should do to relax.

Relaxation doesn’t come naturally to an AuDHD brain. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because your nervous system is wired for intensity, curiosity, sensitivity, and motion.

This was so true for me that I took the time to get certified as a stress management coach because I wanted to understand how I could relax. Unfortunately, so many of the stress management techniques I learned were geared more towards those who are neurotypical. I didn’t know that I was AuDHD at that time, and didn’t understand why things like meditation just didn’t work for me. Now I’m learning a different way.

And here’s the good news: you can learn to relax. It just looks a little different than the way the world typically defines it.

Let’s talk about how to actually access relaxation as an AuDHD human, and how this differs from the neurotypical version of “just chill.”

Why relaxation is hard for AuDHD brains

Before we dive into the how, let’s talk about the why.

Your brain is built for:

• fast thinking

• sensory alertness

• emotional depth

• movement

• hyperfocus

• scanning for patterns

• leaps of creativity

This means your nervous system is often running at a higher baseline level of arousal. What feels like “normal” to you might actually be your body living in a low-grade state of fight-or-flight.

So when someone says, “Sit still and relax,” your body feels…unsafe. Bored. Anxious. Unsettled. Stillness doesn’t equal calm for you; it equals dysregulation.

This is why your version of “relaxing” may look unconventional, active, or even quirky. And that’s actually perfect.

Start with regulation, not Stillness

A neurotypical nervous system often winds down by stopping. An AuDHD nervous system often winds down by moving. When your body isn’t regulated, stillness feels like torture.

Try:

• rocking

• pacing

• gentle walking

• swinging (yes, grown-ups can swing)

• bouncing on a yoga ball

• light stretching

• stimming with your hands or feet

Movement creates enough soothing input for your nervous system to feel safe enough to rest.

Choose activities that keep your brain lightly engaged

Neurotypical relaxation often looks like doing nothing. But AuDHD brains need a little stimulation so they don’t spiral into under-stimulation or overwhelm.

Try:

• doodling or coloring

• sorting shells, crystals, tarot cards, or beads

• knitting or crocheting

• gentle cooking or baking

• simple puzzle games

• cozy video games

• building something small or repetitive

These activities keep your brain engaged just enough to settle.

Use sensory-based relaxation instead of mind-based relaxation

Most people try to relax by telling themselves to relax. AuDHD brains respond better to sensory comfort, not internal commands.

Try:

• weighted blankets

• warm baths or showers

• soft fabrics and textures

• essential oils (lavender, bergamot, orange, peppermint)

• a heated neck wrap

• brown noise, rain sounds, or gentle music

• dim lighting or fairy lights

Think of sensory comfort as a self-hug for your nervous system.

Make transitions easier with timers

Instantly shutting off activity can be jarring when you’re AuDHD. Your nervous system needs a runway, not a crash landing.

Try:

• Set a 5-minute “wrap-up” timer

• Finish one tiny task

• Then shift into your relaxing activity

Structure doesn’t restrict you; It supports your ability to rest.

Create “default” relaxation options for when you go blank

AuDHD paralysis is real. Sometimes you want to relax but have no idea how in that moment.

Make a short list of things that actually work for you. Keep it where you can see it.

Example:

• weighted blanket

• rocking chair

• coloring page

• take a walk

• brown noise playlist

• fidget toys

• cozy TV show

• candle and soft lighting

When your brain freezes, your list unfreezes it.

Give yourself permission to relax in your own way

Your rest doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.

It might look like:

• playing a cozy game on your phone

• sitting outside listening to birds

• rearranging your crystals or herbs

• taking a slow shower

• researching a special interest

• snuggling under a blanket with a show

• knitting the same square for the 50th time

The point of rest isn’t how it looks. It’s how it makes your nervous system feel. Your relaxation might be colorful, quirky, sensory-filled, or creatively messy. And that’s valid.

How AuDHD relaxation differs from neurotypical relaxation

Neurotypical relaxation usually looks like:

• sitting still

• turning off the mind

• quiet activities

• low stimulation

• resting without structure

• silence

• easy transitions into downtime

AuDHD relaxation often looks like:

• gentle movement

• sensory-based comfort

• low-level focus tasks

• background noise

• cozy stimulation

• structured transitions

• repetitive or creative hobbies

• needing something to “anchor” the brain

Again: neither is wrong. They’re just different wiring.

The real secret:

You don’t learn to relax by forcing yourself into neurotypical calm. You learn to relax by meeting your AuDHD brain where it already is.

Relaxation becomes possible when you teach your nervous system what safety feels like—and when you give yourself permission to rest in the ways that work for you.

And trust me: once you figure out your version of calm, everything in your life gets just a little softer.