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I have struggled with a whole lot of anxiety and sadness for so much of my life. Those are the two “big emotions” that make people uncomfortable. Most people wouldn’t recognize that in me because I try so hard to be positive all the time. I think that comes mostly because not only do I want that for myself, but I want that for the world too. So I try to focus on the positive. And a lot of times it does help to drive out the heaviness.
There is so much hate in the world right now. And maybe it’s just me, but it seems to be getting worse. There’s a lot of anger and frustration too. People hate themselves. Self-love is not exactly a priority for most. And neither is healthy self-love. Now we have narcissism which is unhealthy. So many people hate their bodies, hate their habits, and are trying to fix and change themselves. But nobody is loving themselves the way they are. And so many people are quick to hate others. Just look online and you’ll see the level of hate and judgment is overwhelming.
Where has compassion gone?
It feels like we all collectively hit a level of compassion fatigue a long time ago.
Now we’re too busy “right-fighting” trying to do everything we can to validate what we believe and what we feel and are forgetting that we’re all just trying to figure out things as they come along. Everyone is trying to make it through the day hoping for at least a little sliver of happiness, a feeling of safety, and some love.
None of us know what in the hell we are doing in this life. We’re just making it up as we go. And so many people are facing some pretty big challenges that they never allow the rest of the world to see.
We’ve become a nation of judgmental, complaining, entitled, overwhelmed, angry, bitter bullies. Of course, most are hiding behind their smartphone or laptop saying things to strangers that they would never dare to say to someone face to face. Things that they would be devastated to have said to them. But they say them anyway. They say that if you point a finger at someone, there are four more pointing back at you. Maybe all of this condemnation, judgment, and hate being shown towards others is masking the hatred these people are feeling towards themselves.
People are desperately unhappy
So many people are desperately unhappy. Especially here in the US. When you see all of the negative and hateful things people say online, it is just a symptom of that unhappiness. Happy people don’t feel the need to speak that way to others. It’s only those who are miserable who do.
We are quick to share an opinion these days, and yet we find it so hard to show compassion or love.
We need more love
There is a huge deficit of love in the world. We all long to be loved and accepted in a world that just wants to hate us and reject us…no matter who we are.
It’s one of the things I’ve learned in my own life. No matter what I’ve done there have always been people who wanted me to be someone else to make them comfortable. I lived for decades attempting to be more of who my parents and others wanted me to be.
I learned from an early age that my Dad struggled to accept me for who I was. It seemed like he felt that I was always “too much” and “overly dramatic” for him. I felt very rejected by him when all I wanted was for him to love me. I had that same issue in my marriage. My ex struggled and was very uncomfortable when I had big emotions.
He wanted me to be something that I wasn’t. Less emotional. To the point that when my mother passed away I had to stuff down my grief because it made him so uncomfortable. But doing that was making me sick. It was the realization that my now ex-husband would never truly be able to accept me for who I was that helped me to decide that it was time to end the marriage. I couldn’t continue to stuff down the big emotions.
Men struggle with emotions
It has only been recently that I realized that it is not uncommon for many men to struggle with the emotions of the women in their lives. They have been conditioned to suppress their emotions their entire lives. Men have been taught that showing emotions other than happiness, anger, or frustration is not okay. It isn’t okay for a man to show sadness or fear. They feel them. However, they have been taught that it is weak to show those vulnerable emotions.
Those vulnerable emotions come more easily to women. But women have often been told that we are “too much” because of them. But we were given emotions for a reason. And it’s healthy to allow ourselves to feel them and process them. But these days heavier emotions are treated like they are a bad thing and something to avoid.
Feeling guilty about big emotions
I always felt guilty when I felt sad or scared. And because of the stigma about those emotions, it can be easy to not reach out for support when facing them. I certainly have hidden them for decades when they have come up. And I know I’m not the only one. I’m certain that there are a whole lot of people who regularly stuff down or hide those emotions from others.
Maybe it’s time to normalize expressing all of our emotions. It’s certainly healthier for us all. I think maybe we’d see that so much of the anger, judgment, and hate in the world right now is masking sadness and grief. There’s plenty of that to go around. But if people don’t feel that it’s safe to express it, it will have to come out eventually. So I think it’s coming out as hate, anger, and judgment.
I’ve recently realized that a lot of the sadness and anxiety I have been feeling throughout my life has been directly connected to not feeling like I can be myself and fully express my emotions…even the vulnerable ones. I’ve had to wear a mask of being strong when inside I was falling apart. But I’m determined to be more of myself…the good, the bad, and the ugly crying me. Here’s to getting back to healthily expressing big emotions!
