Notice: I’m an affiliate for Amazon as well as other companies. Any links in this article may be affiliate links. I always appreciate it if you purchase something using my affiliate links. Doing so helps me to raise a little extra money that pays for the costs of running this site. And it allows me to continue bringing you quality content, all without costing you a thing! Thanks!
For thousands of years, dark feminine energy has been labeled as evil and something to be altogether avoided. Women have been taught to focus on characteristics of light feminine energy such as nurturing, caring, elegance, patience, empathy, and peace. But because we’ve been conditioned to believe that dark feminine energy is bad, we’ve suppressed it. But we are both dark and light energy. And denying the dark feminine energy within can cause a woman to disconnect from her true self.
What are the characteristics of dark feminine energy, and why is it important?
Dark feminine energy refers to characteristics that are often associated with the more mysterious, intuitive, and assertive aspects of femininity. The dark feminine is the source of power for a woman. It’s about embodying a sense of power, independence, self-awareness, and emotional depth that contrasts the celebrated “light feminine” traits, such as nurturing, gentleness, and passivity.
Women are powerful when they are using both their light and dark energy. However, the patriarchal systems recognized how powerful women are. To keep women from using their power and innate wisdom, they created many myths and stories that vilify women…particularly those who are comfortable within their dark feminine energy.
Dark feminine energy is ancient, raw, wild, and untamed with a sense of absolute freedom. There are many women who have been feeling this calling to return to this energy. It is a part of your soul self that has been suppressed for generations. If you have been feeling this calling, it’s completely natural. It is just a part of you calling you back to your wholeness.
Characteristics of dark feminine energy include:
Confidence and magnetism
Dark feminine energy is unapologetically self-confident and magnetic. That self-assurance draws others in and yet also has an aura of mystery about it. How many women do you know that are naturally self-confident? It is rare, particularly in a Western society that overwhelms women with the message that they aren’t enough.
Sensuality
Women have become disconnected from their sensuality. Of course, when most people hear the word sensuality they think about sex. But sensuality is about more than that. It is partly about becoming comfortable in one’s body. And doing things that are indulging to the senses. That could mean closing your eyes and dancing to music that touches your soul. Or putting on a pair of silk pajamas and allowing yourself to feel the softness of the silk against your skin. It could also mean taking time with an amazing meal and slowly savoring each bite.
Sexual intimacy and sensuality
Of course, sensuality CAN also be present in sexual intimacy. It is found in slowing down and relishing the pleasure of every touch. Exploring sexual pleasure and how the body reacts. Sensuality is about pleasure. And yet, for many women, they have become so disconnected from their sensuality that they miss out. A woman’s pleasure has become almost taboo. We’ve been fed the lie that a woman taking pleasure in the things of life is selfish. She is supposed to be in service to others. And women who are connected to their sexual sensuality have often been called whores, harlots, and hussies.
Boundaries and independence
Setting strong boundaries, and being emotionally independent are an important part of dark feminine energy. Many women struggle with setting boundaries because they’ve been taught to be people pleasers. A lifetime of conditioning drilled in that women are supposed to serve others first. And so many struggle knowing when to say no, and not being afraid to assert personal needs and desires.
Going within
Taking time to look within is an important part of reconnecting with dark feminine energy. The reconnection requires self-reflection, and understanding one’s fears, flaws, and deeper emotions. It often involves confronting the “shadow self” to promote growth.
Seductive power
Dark feminine energy doesn’t use overt aggression. Instead, it influences and persuades subtly through intellect, charm, or emotional insight.
Embracing the taboo
When you’re looking to reconnect to the dark energy it often means challenging societal norms and embracing parts of life or emotions (like anger, ambition, or desire) that might be considered taboo for women in some cultures. In Western cultures, particularly in many patriarchal religious communities, dark feminine energy is frowned upon.
But because we live in a dualistic world, embracing only the light and suppressing the dark is unhealthy! Reconnecting with dark feminine energy is about balance. It complements light feminine energy. Together both form a healthy, empowered feminine identity that embraces both nurturing softness and assertive strength.
Women have historically been conditioned to suppress dark feminine energy through societal, cultural, and religious norms that prioritize traits associated with light femininity, such as nurturing, passivity, and self-sacrifice. It discourages qualities like assertiveness, sensuality, and independence. This conditioning is rooted in patriarchal structures, religious teachings, media portrayals, and traditional gender roles.
How has the suppression occurred:
Reinforcing gender stereotypes
Women have been traditionally expected to embody traits like gentleness, kindness, and selflessness—qualities associated with the “light feminine.” Dark feminine traits such as ambition, assertiveness, and independence are often labeled as “unfeminine” or undesirable. This reinforces the idea that women should be passive and subservient, suppressing their inner power and autonomy. Even in some non-religious, spiritual communities, many of the influencers and coaches focus on “love and light” alone.
I was raised in an evangelical Christian home. I’ve always had a strong personality and was naturally put into leadership roles, even within the church. I experienced a great deal of misogyny within the church. Women were expected to be silent. And many of the men weren’t happy with having a woman lead them. I experienced bullying as a result.
Taboos around sexuality and sensuality
Female sexuality has long been a subject that is taboo. Women who embrace their sensuality or express sexual desire are often shamed, and labeled as “promiscuous” or “immoral.” This reinforces the notion that women’s sensuality and sexual power—key aspects of dark feminine energy—should be hidden or suppressed.
This has led many women to disconnect from their sensual side. They have been taught that their pleasure is somehow “wrong” and causes them to suppress their own sexual desire. This often keeps them from having open communication about their preferences with their spouse or partner and leads to too many women stuck in a pattern of having to fake orgasms to end sex.
I can’t tell you how many women I’ve spoken to who are disconnected from their own sensuality, sexuality, and pleasure because they are disconnected from their dark feminine energy! That is not supposed to be normal, and it is NOT okay!
Cultural shaming when expressing emotions
Dark feminine energy embraces emotional depth, including anger, sadness, or jealousy, which are often labeled as “negative” emotions. Women are frequently told not to express these emotions for fear of being seen as “hysterical,” “emotional,” or “irrational.” As a result, women may suppress their emotions, avoiding confrontation and masking their true feelings to maintain social acceptance.
How often have you heard men talk about a woman in their life as being “overly emotional”, or “too much”? This is an example of the patriarchal conditioning that has given women the message that their emotions are “wrong” or “bad”.
I personally suppressed these emotions for a long time. But energy is meant to flow and not become stagnant. If we suppress that energy within our bodies, it ends up manifesting as illness.
Demonization of power and ambition
Ambition and assertiveness in women are often seen as threatening. Women who display leadership, confidence, or competitive drive are sometimes labeled as “bossy” or “aggressive,” which discourages them from asserting their full potential. Dark feminine energy embraces power and influence, but societal conditioning can make women feel that these traits are inappropriate or selfish.
If a woman does not submit to the pressure to soften, then the personal attacks against her usually increase. Just watch what is often said about women running for political office. Or about women who hold a lot of wealth or influence. One good example of this is Taylor Swift. She has endured a great deal of nasty comments from men who are threatened by her power, influence, and wealth.
Religious and cultural norms
Many religious and cultural systems have historically promoted submissive roles for women. I was raised in the Christian church which glorifies traits like obedience and modesty. It vilifies women who exhibit independence or sexual autonomy. These systems often suppress the dark feminine’s connection to intuition, self-reliance, and rebelliousness, teaching women to conform to patriarchal ideals.
Media and popular culture
The media often portrays women as very spec—either as the nurturing, light-hearted “good girl” or the cold, manipulative “bad girl.” This polarizing narrative reinforces the idea that dark feminine traits are negative or dangerous. Women are discouraged from embracing complexity or power, leading to internalized beliefs that dark feminine traits are to be avoided.
Fear of judgment and rejection
Women are often conditioned to seek external validation. This can cause them to repress their dark feminine traits to avoid judgment or rejection from others. Traits such as setting boundaries, pursuing personal desires, or embracing independence can result in women being labeled as “selfish,” “cold,” or “difficult,” leading to social ostracism.
Socially conditioned to prioritize others
From an early age, girls are taught to prioritize the needs and feelings of others over their own. This conditioning diminishes their connection to their personal power and autonomy. Dark feminine energy embraces self-awareness, boundaries, and independence. But women may suppress these qualities in order to maintain relationships or fulfill the caretaker role society expects of them.
Growing up in the church this conditioning starts young. We are taught that our main priority is to serve others. Having a servant’s heart is prized. But it often comes at a price. Many women put the needs of others before their own needs, leading them to burnout and illness. It often keeps women in toxic and even abusive relationships because they have de-prioritized their own needs and safety. That was certainly true for me.
Dismissing intuition and inner wisdom
Dark feminine energy is deeply connected to intuition, spiritual insight, and the mysteries of the subconscious. However, modern culture often emphasizes logic and reason over intuition, devaluing women’s natural connection to their inner wisdom. Women are encouraged to suppress their gut feelings or instincts in favor of what is seen as more rational or acceptable.
That gut instinct can be powerful. I personally didn’t trust it for a long time. And when I did start relying more on my inner wisdom, I felt as if I needed to hide it, as if it was somehow shameful. But we were given that wisdom for a reason. It’s a powerful gift to have. And the patriarchy knows how powerful it is, and has done its best to create certain “rules” to keep us away from being connected to that part of who we are.
Difficulty embracing dark feminine energy
This long-term conditioning has made it difficult for many women to fully embrace their dark feminine energy. For many, this has resulted in a decreased sense of power, poor self-expression, and a lack of authenticity. However, in recent years, many women have begun reclaiming these traits and recognizing their importance in achieving wholeness and personal empowerment.
We are dualistic beings and need a balance of both dark and light energy within us. Too many of us have suppressed the dark feminine energy because of societal and religious conditioning. That has left many disconnected from an entire part of who they are. My hope is that more will hear the call of the dark feminine within and come home to their wholeness.