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Death is not a comfortable topic for most people. We never want to think about the death of our parents. It forces us to face our mortality. And that is very uncomfortable. But many people in midlife, have faced the loss of one or both of their parents. I lost my mother in 2014 and my father in 2021. Losing a parent is NOT easy. Especially if you have a close-knit family. And there are certain things that you will miss when they are gone.
After losing my parents, I realized that it wasn’t the material things belonging to them that mattered. It was the memories that were most precious. And I have a little advice for others who are fortunate to have one or both of their parents living still.
What to do before losing a parent
If your parents are living, it can be easy to take them for granted. But here are some things you can do now, that can definitely help once they are gone.
Spend time with your parents
This should be a given, but it can be easy to get caught up in life. Make the time to spend with your parents. And do it as much as you can! Plan a regular family game night. Take one of your parents on a date night to spend time alone with them doing something you both enjoy. Find a way to create quality time and memories. If you don’t live close to your parents, then take time regularly to have video calls with them. Talk to them as much as you can.
Take plenty of pictures
I was surprised at just how often I look through some of the pictures I have of my parents. Once in a while, I want to see one of their faces. Get pictures of yourself with them. Take pictures of them with other family members. Get pictures of them by themselves. Those pictures will mean a lot once they are no longer here. This holds true with other family members as well. I love seeing pictures of my grandparents and aunts and uncles who have also passed. There are so many memories in those photos.
Save some voicemails
I did not realize how much I would miss hearing my mother’s voice. I only had a couple of voicemails from her. But every so often I will listen to them just so I can hear her voice again. One of my most special memories of my dad is a voicemail he sent on Christmas morning several years ago. He wished me a Merry Christmas and told me he loved me. I now listen to that every Christmas and for a moment I’m allowed to feel him with me. If you do have an opportunity to save some voicemails, be sure to save them in a couple of places so you don’t lose them. I have them on my phone still. But also have them saved on my computer and on an external hard drive.
Take videos of them
Being able to see them alive and doing the things they did in life brings back so many memories. I cherish the videos I have of my parents! Getting to see a video of my father laughing or telling dad jokes always makes me smile. Seeing and hearing my mom tell a story or tease one of us just makes me happy! So be sure to grab some video of them doing things you love to see them doing. It will mean a lot later.
While money and material things may be nice I miss my parents. I miss their voices, their hugs, their laughter, their company. I miss the essence of who they both were in this world. And while I can never get them back, some of the memories I’ve saved are more important to me than any material possessions I inherited from them after they left this life.
Life is short, so make it count. Losing a parent is hard. But making sure you get some good memories of those you love will help a bit. It will matter when they are no longer here.
Are you struggling with grief from losing a loved one? Check out this post on 15 Things You Need to Know About Grief.
